your name
by acapricorn
Summary: she falls into another world and loses her sense of self, identity. her sense of survival is all that is left to remain. He can't let go of her, even while knowing she's too broken to love. this, is their story. [Sasuke/OC]
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: she fell.

My mind often wanders back to the life I had before all of this...for the lack of better things to do in my imprisonment.

Would my parents miss me? It was foreign to think that they would since while I was in that other world, _my world, _we hadn't got along.

Too many disagreements to know where the drift began or ended...in the end, just as you fell apart with friends that didn't share the same ideals or values as you, you can also fall apart with your own family I found out.

But maybe they would miss me. Maybe I would be deemed missing or dead by the authorities by now and my mom would cry tears at my funeral with an empty casket.

That being said though, they would move on. My sister would be there with them after all. My perfect pretty popular sister.

For me, it always felt like a disgrace to call myself the older sibling. I was in no way reliable to that younger sister of mine that outstripped every single one of my meagre accomplishments.

While I was younger, I thought that she stole everything that should've originally belonged to me. A stupid idea I now realize but nevertheless it doesn't change the fact on how I treated her like shit for all those years.

Where she was probably too young to know what prejudice was, didn't know why her own older sister didn't like her for no goddamn reason at all.

The sound of purposefully loud footsteps alerted me out of my thoughts. Because I knew Sasuke could walk without having to make a sound.

He could since he was 14 and I was 19. When he saved me but put me in a little cage for the next two years.

The door finally opened and that red sharingan gaze fell upon me, a thousand times more intimidating than when I just saw it through the pages of inked out drawings.

Those eyes eventually, almost languidly in a reptilian way-trailed down to my body, my breasts, naked save for a blanket draped over my shoulders.

I reckon he always wanted the same thing from me nowadays. (it wasn't like this before). So I thought; why bother to wear clothes?

It's not like I had any modesty left in me by now. Because modest women don't prostitute themselves out like I have.

But then again, I was the one that survived didn't I?

* * *

Originally there were...a few of us that all got transported to the same place. All of different skin tones that indicated the different countries we originated from.

The majority was made up of europe, a handful of us made up an english-speaking group, two girls from Japan that were the most noticeable to _me _at least and-

Well, you get the gist.

There'd been males, females, young, old and middle aged. It was an amalgamation of all sorts of people. Gathered together to the middle of nowhere.

Of course, it raised panic.

For a while we travelled together, being raised in the 21st century and being used to the protocols of our world we were assured that a rescue team would come for us, despite the strange predicament we found ourselves in.

One of them was even the son of a business tycoon so he had been full of useless confidence. I think he was one of the few that genuinely believed we would get rescued.

Most were either just fooling themselves and meanwhile a few were like me in that they already gave up.

My pessimistic sentiments were shared with this one boy from Canada. He was a senior, about to graduate high school-but told me he didn't see fat chances of that happening with a wry scoff.

We got along decently since there was no language barrier and whereas he was pulled away from his home in Canada, I was from the States. The environments were similar to say the least.

Anyways, he would be the only one I considered as a companion during that brief stint where we travelled in a group.

Very brief, might I add.

Because on the day we encountered the 'natives' of this land, we encountered human traffickers for a prostitution ring and while all the males were killed, the females were lucky (or unlucky depending) enough to get captured as goods.

That canadian high-schooler died before my eyes as he used his last breath to urge me into running away.

But I couldn't. My legs were frozen on the ground and most importantly-

I just gave up. I couldn't do it anymore.

My conversation that I had with him was the last time I ever talked.

* * *

I turned over while being held in Sasuke's toned arms and wondered inconsequentially whether _I _would be the sexual offender here for sleeping with a minor.

(regardless of whether said minor could demolish whole cities back in my old world).

The law system was weird in how law and justice were some very different things. And sometimes, it felt like you had to uphold the law for the justice of the general populace. But that also meant no justice being served to others, the outliers of that 'general'.

And then who would protect those people? What would protect them if the law couldn't?

"You're spacing out again." he mumbled while lowering his head to my nape and giving a bite.

I flinched.

"You're not gonna tell me?" he asked, licking the wound that _definitely _drew blood.

I held my silence and he could interpret it however he wanted. I didn't care. Much.

For the rest of the night I had my back turned against him like I usually did after we had sex.

It's not that I couldn't stand to see him. It was more that I couldn't stand myself anymore.

* * *

At the prostitution house that we got sold to, some of us were put to 'work' and some of us weren't.

I was one of the first. And it depended. You had to be 'picked' by the customer after all.

I was scared of course, but also mostly numb and resigned which allowed me to take the edge off of it all.

It was just how you expected the role to be. Degrading, humiliating, uncomfortable(unwilling). But my first customer was nice. That's what I remembered.

He had a kind face, the one you'd find in a distant uncle or something. (but nevermind how those types of uncles ended up being some sick pedophile fucks).

But he was nice by customer standards.

He didn't try to make the most of his time (and money) by trying to fuck right away. He wasn't into some weird kinks like causing pain, etc.

He poured me tea, talked to me to ease my nerves, asked how I got here and I cried, spilling the whole story.

...and then he fucked me and parted with a smile and a substantial tip telling me how sorry he felt I had to go through this.

I didn't know how cruel humans could be before that.

Afterwards, when she was asked about the experience by fellow survivors from their world, she smiled and told them that the man she was with was caring about her body. (but not her mind),

She also told them that it felt good, that the man had _skill _when in reality that was her first time and she had blood trailing down her leg to nobody else's notice but herself.

* * *

Once, Suigetsu asks him why he doesn't give her a name.

'_She's your bitch isn't she?' _

And he replied that he doesn't need to know what she is, just that she is his.

But it still doesn't change the fact that he wants to know.

Her name, amongst the other things.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: she knows, but she knows not why.

My first impression of Sasuke from the very beginning until now hasn't changed in the least.

As a character, I thought he was larger-than-life. As a person I thought basically along the same lines.

And I think it all boils down to the fact that he's hard to predict.

Sure, regarding some things, he's blatantly easy to read. Like joining Orochimaru for power to kill his brother.

Maybe it would be more accurate to say that his emotion of _hatred _was easy to read from him.

Other emotions...I'd say not so much. Especially love.

I mean...just look at how he is with Naruto and Sakura and it should tell you everything. They were his second family practically after the massacre and he treats them like utter shit.

But I digress.

What brought all of this on was this inkling of suspicion I had.

That Sasuke loved me. Or at least felt some sort of romantic-ish inclination towards me.

But..._why? _I didn't talk, he knew practically _nothing _about me other than I showed up one day in front of him and begged him to save me.

He didn't know what kind of person I was and I'm under no impression that I was beautiful enough to enchant somebody like Sasuke. He was far more attractive than I could ever hope to be, objectively speaking.

I didn't mind to be discouraged though. Long gone were the days where I had been vain about my appearance. The prettier you were, the more popular you became at the whore-house after-all.

Looks were a hindrance if you stood out too much either in a good way or a bad way. Perhaps the best was to be merely average.

But I'm getting off track. (yet again.)

Nevertheless I was quite certain. After months and months of careful observation...that Sasuke Uchiha was in love with me.

* * *

We're lying in his bed again. A cramped space for two bodies considering it was built for _one _and so the our forms are always plastered against one another despite whichever one of Orochimaru's dens we end up taking residence for that week, month etc.

His body usually caged me in, against the wall. And I usually faced said wall when we've finished the usual 'nightly activities'.

_Usually. _Today I hadn't turned away from Sasuke's gaze yet when _usually _I would've by now.

It was dark. But I lay close to him and there was a dim light in the corner. So I was able to make out the appearance of Sasuke raising his eyebrows.

For a second I wondered how to ask him without...you know, actually _asking _him.

In the end I came up with the idea to trace words onto his bare chest. There were just two characters I needed to draw (slowly,) and then a question mark.

When I finished writing, I looked up to see an...intrigued expression on his face.

"...you knew how to write?"

I nod.

"And read?"

I nodded again.

He scowled.

"Next time I'll bring you a piece of paper so you have to write down your name." this time, I shook my head in a refusing gesture.

He clicked his tongue but let it go.

"So you wanted to know if I loved you?"

I nodded...slowly. Unsure.

All of a sudden, the arm that remained snaked over my torso pulled me so close that I was centimeters apart from his face and could count the number of eyelashes he had in detail if I pleased.

"What a stupid question to ask. Now, _sleep_." he commands, hands brushing through my hair in an activation of a genjutsu*.

An illusion.

* * *

Including myself, there were only three of us that spoke the common language of these lands. That is, the two Japanese girls (they were miraculously friends who transferred together) and yours truly.

It made sense. Naruto _was _a Japanese comic.

What didn't make sense was to have me be the survivor of us three.

Sure, my grasp on the language was decent with having spoken it at home and being taught under the strict tutelage of my tiger-mom but I wasn't a _native _speaker. (I was the child of two first generation Japanese immigrant parents).

But then again, I was slightly older than the two school-girls and way more dweeb-ier. The Naruto series (although endlessly famous in Japan) had seen its end around the time I was a freshman in high school.

So for them, it would be more common to see Boruto airing on the television than its older counterpart prequel.

But I'm pretty sure they would've been able to recognize _Naruto _if they saw him. Or even if they caught a glimpse of the hitai-ate headbands maybe it would've jogged something in the memory.

It was just too damn bad that the Madame of the prostitution house was a damn good businesswoman and never tried to make customers of shinobi. (the bad ones would either trick you and the good ones would try to shut the whole operation down).

Besides, ninjas weren't _that _rich anyways. They made up the workers, not the boss.

I think about those girls a lot though.

For example, there's always this ongoing debate in my head as to whether it was misfortune that the two girls got dumped here _together _or if the real tragedy was that they ever became friends at all.

Because later on, the two friends ended up betraying each other. Maybe 'stabbed in the back' would be a more accurate description. Either way, buckling under the pressure of the wretched environment we were placed in, one was willing to cast the other into the darkest pits of hell for merely the _hope _of being able to see the light.

And the only ones to witness this entire tragedy from start to finish had been me and Sasuke.

The thing is, if it had been Naruto we'd encountered that night, we would've been all saved. And yet, we would also recognize with dawning horror the implications of his existence.

But Sasuke was the one to show up and the two girls, without even _knowing _anything except for what they could see-that he was _strongstrongstrong_-threw away their pride dignity and humanity to begin squabbling about who he 'should' save.

Meanwhile I was in hiding after stumbling upon the scene but also trying really hard not to burst into a fit of hysterical giggles.

Eventually one of two former 'friends' stabbed the other to death and, till this day I think of the image as the single most disturbing thing I'd ever witnessed in my life.

In terms of physical gruesome-ness, this single death didn't quite match up to the mass homicide of half our survivor group but there was a certain psychological horror element to it that made the whole thing seem much worse.

It was one thing to be killed by a stranger or an enemy but another to be murdered by your friend.

And hell, it wasn't even _my _friendship but scenes of when I saw the two comforting and crying with each other when we all first got transported to this world flashed through my mind at that moment.

The other one, the remaining one, still begged Sasuke to save her for the price of anything in return. She clasped her bloody hands together like in a prayer to a God and I watched in helpless reverie.

I was the spectator to this entire dramatic tragedy and also its narrator.

Sasuke kills her unhesitantly and then his red _red _eyes are turned to me and I flinched at first but then my posture melted at the realization that he was going to kill me too and I smiled in genuine relief.

Let it be said again that being plucked from a _safe _and _normal _environment only to be sold into sexual slavery had fucked me up.

My mind was ready to go. (or perhaps it was long gone)

_But my heart refused to stop beating even as my sanity ceased to function. That is what it means to survive._

So I begged the boy 5 years my junior at the time to let me live in exchange for the only thing I had that I knew would be of interest to him.

That, was our 'deal'.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: that saved a wretch like me

Let it be said that I have never seen Sasuke smile.

I've seen his sheer grit and determination after daily battles with Orochimaru's prisoners that were all bigger and stronger than him. (not anymore)

And I've seen the him now that wears an apathetic and neutral expression everywhere as though nothing else was worth his interest.

And then I've 'seen' him desperate, lost, _broken_ after learning the truth about his brother from Obito.

But what I've never seen till this day is his true smile. Or heard his laugh for that manner.

So in conclusion you could say that a part of me finds him pitiful. And that's why I end up going along with his every whim all too easily.

In either case, that was also just who Sasuke _is. _He makes you want to follow-no, _give yourself up to him. _If Naruto was the leader of the light, then Sasuke led the darkness and all those lost within it.

The abused and the desperate, those wretched _wretched _souls.

I remember vaguely about how team Hebi formed in the manga.

Sasuke didn't offer them any promises and the other members damn well should know they didn't stand to gain anything by following his mission to kill Itachi. It was a personal vendetta after all.

And yet they still went, following without a fuss.

Why? Because Sasuke was the one that had _purpose. _The others had just been _empty, _drained dry during the time Orochimaru got to them.

But then with Orochimaru dead, they needed someone else to serve. Who would make them useful again.

The thing about abuse is that as long as there was a leash, _somebody_ was going to chain you again. So the solution would be to directly break the collar but it was wound up so tightly around your neck that the question becomes;

How do you break the collar without snapping off your own neck?

* * *

It was by accident that I meet Sakura.

There was an earthquake going on all around me and Sasuke was god-knows-where (probably _causing _the said earthquake-) and then the door opened with _the _Sakura Haruno standing in all her pink glory.

Then, the tremors seemed to stop for an instant before the rumbling was back and louder than ever.

I looked up at the ceiling to see a large web of cracks spreading out further and further.

"Watch out-!"

And yet all I could think about was how I really really wanted to meet Naruto instead.

* * *

I wake up _not _in a bed.

We're in a forest and I'm cradled in Sasuke's lap and we're sitting on a large tree branch.

There's no throbbing of a concussion so somebody must've healed me. Maybe Sakura. I hardly doubt Sasuke would've let Kabuto near me after _that incident _concussion or not.

"...do you want to go back now?" of course he would notice that I'd been awake.

But I shook my head.

The thing is he only takes me out maybe once in a while. Like once in a long _long_ while.

It made sense; he was usually on dangerous missions for Orochimaru and I would most definitely end up being a liability if I was allowed to follow. Which I wasn't.

And it's not like I could just ask him to waste his precious spare time for rest or further training to take me to see something as stupidly mundane as the moon or the sky.

"Are you ever going to talk to me?" he seemed to be in a talkative mood and that was quite rare.

I tilted my head up to stare into his coal-coloured eyes. Coal that seemed so very dark but shone brighter than anything once burned.

His gaze was particularly intense today, as if expectant. Either way, it wasn't his usual nonchalant attitude that's for sure.

I turn away for favour of staring at the big round moon.

It was hard to think that Kaguya lived there. I was quite envious. I wanted to be alone like that too.

Then, without a warning my body started to shake. No-shiver would be a more apt description.

Not that I was particularly cold on this warm summer's night.

Just scared. I didn't want to go back to Orochimaru's base with _people _in it even if I knew I wouldn't encounter them. But nor did I want to stay outside for much longer because it felt exposing. To whom, I didn't know.

And even being in Sasuke's grip like this made me anxious but I would be left more anxious without.

Sasuke's lips are pressed thin as he wipes off my tears with his hands.

I don't mean to be so emotional but sometimes it just springs out of nowhere and there's this sense of crisis within me saying that I can't go on like this much longer.

Even as I've repressed and repressed so much of myself in order to move forward sometimes I get this brief glimpse of a thousand yard trench in front of me and I'm too scared to take another step.

That's what it feels like.

"...it's okay. I won't let anyone touch you." he murmurs.

"I'm...sorry that today's events startled you. It won't happen again." I stop shaking, except for the tremors in my hands.

* * *

It's only when something like this occurs that he realizes to be more careful with her, because she's more fragile than she lets on.

Although 'fragile' is a big understatement.

As of the late she's been barely hanging on and it's just another thing to make him feel..._helpless. _

* * *

Sasuke and I don't have sex anymore and for that, I'm slightly more relieved than I thought.

Not that I didn't trust him (-because if I couldn't trust him in this world I might as well die-) but there is an underlying trauma there.

Everytime I took off my clothes (_vulnerable_) or when I lay there knowing and yet not knowing what was about to come. And most of all, it jogs the old memories of _unwillingness _that had carved into my bones.

I know that logically Sasuke isn't _them _but it was sad to say that more than once their images had overlapped.

On the really bad days, I had the urge to scream at Sasuke to leave me. Not to be tied down with somebody as useless and _dirty _as myself. To go forward, leave me behind. It would make me feel better that way. (not really).

And furthermore I didn't know _why _he was bothering with me but he needed to _stop. _I wasn't going to get better. This, _this-_was always going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

I couldn't give him anything of what he wanted; companionship, sex, love-_nothing. _

_So don't hold onto me so tightly as if I'm something precious. I don't know how to handle it. _

* * *

**thank u for the review 3 **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: if misery loves company I must be head over heels for you

One day Sasuke announces that we're finally _finally _leaving Orochimaru's bases behind once and for all.

But he has this almost-_almost_ apologetic expression on his face while saying something utterly preposterous as;

'I'm sorry, I know you don't like the outside world'

I was thoroughly floored.

_Who said I didn't like being outside? _

A slight widening of the pupils was all I managed to take notice of until I was immediately pressed against the wall with all four of Sasuke's long limbs caging me in.

"You just talked." he states, neither fast nor slow.

Oh. _oh. _

"What did you just say? It was all...some gibberish."

I was speaking english it seemed.

I turned my face away from his and let my long silky hair serve as a curtain between us.

He clicked his tongue and before I knew it, my chin was grasped and turned to face him once more then only to be kissed senselessly.

I didn't struggle, remaining ever as pliant in his arms since the beginning of our exchange-but that didn't mean I responded either.

With his other hand he stroked the side of my face and then tucked a large strand of loose hair behind my ear.

Eventually he did pull apart and there was a bruising feeling on my lips that had already came and went, fading more into a numbness by now.

Right. _This _was the real Sasuke. Reckless and violent in everything he does; so that expression that I thought to have seen on him before...was just a mistake.

In the end there was no way this boy, with the sharp gaze but an even sharper blade-an _avenger_-looked a semblance like Itachi. The _real- _

Well, you get it.

"Are you really ignoring me? In _this _position?" he asked with a half-lidded gaze, face centimeters away from my own in an ambiguous sort of way.

I didn't blush easily. I was one of those naturally-born-poker-face types. But if I could, I might've.

It was always unfair how, despite my seniority in age, life experience-he always gained the upper hand in our interactions..._somehow. _

I wasn't younger but _dammit, _I _felt _younger whenever he teases me like this.

Was this really the typical behaviours of an antisocial genius?

* * *

_And then there are days where it gets better _I think.

We're on the road and I've relinquished my position of being carried around like a lofty potato sack by Sasuke to walk by myself.

I'm going a little ways ahead of Suigetsu and Sasuke while humming some songs from my old world that I didn't even realize I still knew the tunes of. And for once, something that reminded me of my old world and old life didn't send my mood spiraling down into a pit of depression.

Probably because I was too focused on the scenery outside. (even despite the fact that it was precisely in a forest like this where those human traffickers killed them)

But maybe I was just in a _damn _good mood where the _worst _just ended up lingering at the back of my thoughts.

And I realize with a startlement that, what if this was the closest thing to happiness I'll ever experience from now on?

What if every single beautiful memory is tainted with the reminder of her own..._unworthiness? _And those memories of pain and humiliation that crippled not only her pride but her sense of self attached to that pride into dust?

_Was this what Sasuke felt when his family was destroyed by Itachi? Do those memories plague him so from morning to midnight making him seek revenge that desperately? _

For some reason, that thought warmed her on the inside and she turned back and rushed to Sasuke with a jubilant laugh.

I slid my own hand within Sasuke's and he gave a questioning side glance, brow arched in a silent question. I find he hasn't talked as much since our company was joined by Suigetsu at all times.

Unable to explain my bizarre change of emotions in words, I just beamed at him to let him know that I was just really really happy right now.

He turned away after that.

* * *

Unbeknownst to everyone's notice, Sasuke's ears were flushed red.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: laws of attraction

"You know princess, I've never seen you so happy...well, _ever _before coming outside like this. You must've really hated it there huh? But that makes two of us I guess-"

"Suigetsu. Stop talking to her." and with that, he firmly pushed Suigetsu's face that was inching closer and closer all the while his other hand had never left my grasp this entire time.

If other people were to look at us we'd probably seem like a couple. Not that I don't understand where the sentiments came from but-

We're not. Something innocent as girlfriend and boyfriend are what we most definitely could never be.

"So not 'Suigetsu stop talking' but 'Suigetsu stop talking to _her_'...is that right?" he smirked, flashing his sharp teeth and in the next moment had his hands behind his head and whistled a little too chirpily.

Although he _was _this sort of character I reckon.

The type to rile people up.

...although 'people' if we're talking about the likes of Naruto. But Sasuke was a whole 'nother matter and remained cool as a cucumber despite Suigetsu's (very) obvious jabs.

Sasuke's unresponsiveness seemingly urged him to goad more and soon enough it was heading in the direction of being Suigetsu's one man show. (sadly)

"Man~ you must be totally obsessed or sumthing. I mean I always knew from the first time when you-"

_What did he do? _My ears perked up to eavesdrop and noticing my sudden interest, Suigetsu's shark like grin expanded itself.

I felt Sasuke's body twitch almost imperceptibly had I not been holding onto him to notice the small movement. It made me even more curious.

"_Suigetsu_." Sasuke said, warning laced into his voice like a snake's venom.

"-slammed me into the ground for looking at your boobs."

A beat of silence.

Then there was an emptiness in my hand and a crash against the nearest tree that left the trunk snapped into two.

With a light-hearted laugh Suigetsu continued to talk even as he was getting totally beat down mercilessly.

"By-the way...you've got-a nice rack on ya-...congrat-_ugh_-ulations!"

In the end, by the time we got to our town and checked into our inn for the night, Suigetsu looked beaten an inch to death (even with his water based natural healing factor) and I felt pity.

Stupidity wasn't a curable disease after all.

* * *

There was a hot springs attached to the inn we were staying at that we could use, free of charge.

I wanted to-considering I'd never been to a hot springs before but...it was just-my _body. _I might-no, I most _definitely _would feel awkward being naked for other people to see (nevermind if it was only females and they would be naked themselves).

The thing is, more than anybody else I'm sick of being..._me. _

Because the person I was before all of this happened was…

Confident. Fear-less. Maybe even strong.

But now I couldn't even recall how to be all those things anymore. If the person who resided only in my memories was even myself in the first place because the contrast was too large. (people don't change that much right?)

Then again, it's not like I wanted to stay as this traumatized and anxiety-ridden wreck. I too, wanted to escape. It wasn't…

"What's wrong? You're not going to take your clothes off?" I was in the middle of changing into my yukata, debating to go or not to go.

"...want me to help?"

The thing about Sasuke that took me a while to realize was that he was perfectly capable of teasing someone with a straight and unchanging expression that made people believe he was perfectly serious in his words.

...although then again, I'm not quite sure who he teases so relentlessly other than me.

Certainly not Suigetsu who just gets his ass handed to him on a silver platter by Sasuke all the time.

But maybe Naruto-or Sakura. Although I can't imagine him saying much more than a few condescending remarks to them at this point in time. At the beginning of Shippuden Sasuke's..._portrayal _of getting along with others was nonexistent to say the least.

So a part of me has to wonder why he seemed to tolerate me so well. Why am I so 'special'?

I do end up being dressed by Sasuke after realizing I had no experience of putting on a yukata.

"My mother taught me how to do this...the Uchiha were a pretty formal clan and as the second son of the patriarch it was mandatory for me to know how to put on these traditional attires by myself from a young age."

As his explanation came to an end, I tear my gaze away from his face to see that the sash around my midsection had been knotted beautifully.

...I'd always wondered on many occasions why he wore an open white yukata himself as a part of his everyday get up. Maybe this was the reason.

* * *

**THANK U FOR THE LOVE ! - acapricorn. **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: through my most greatest fault

When I was first taken to Orochimaru's base by Sasuke after our...eventful first meeting, I wasn't dumb. I knew that my chances of survival lay rested in that boy's hands.

So I thought; so I _planned. _

But it was-a pipe dream, you know?

He was already a monster by the time I met him. A cold blooded killing machine who was a product of this world's _much _harsher systems.

And I had virtually nothing to offer him aside from the initial conditions set within our 'deal'. Thus it didn't take me long to realize I needed a backup; an additional padding that would increase my value in Sasuke's eyes and make him reluctant to ditch me if things ever went rough.

...and make no mistake, it was _always _rough when you lived under Orochimaru's roof. Even for a small inconsequential small fry like me.

It wasn't even that I was deemed as 'potential'. But be it trash or talent, nothing gets wasted in the hands of Orochimaru. He was just _that _resourceful.

But if you think about it, Orochimaru went from an orphan street rat into one of the Sannin. The most revered shinobi of the ages. He practically made a _career _through his resourcefulness.

However, I digress.

In the earliest days where I was just getting settled in this new change of environments, I was…

Less relaxed, more on guard-nerves on edge.

Didn't have the _time _to be like the depressed moping mess that I was today.

My goals were all short term and all involved seeing the metaphorical 'light of day' for tomorrow, then the day after, etc.

I _needed _to be in Sasuke's good graces more than I needed the air to breathe.

The weakness of a monster was '_love'. _

If it's outer shell was tough, get under it's skin and erode them from the inside...or something like that anyways.

Either way, monsters craved love because…

To be strong was to be lonely. You either left people behind in your determination for power or eventually you drifted apart because they couldn't keep up with you.

'_Monster'. _It can be said in either fear or reverence-but that's not what mattered to me.

All that mattered to me was the knowledge of Sasuke's deep-set loneliness and his inexperience when it came to love.

He may have known how to protect his body but his heart was left right open.

And I took advantage of that. (although the results turned out to be more..._unexpected._)

* * *

My fear got the best of me and I didn't muster up the courage to visit the hot springs.

Instead we just had a bath inside the room.

Yes, 'we'. Because...I didn't really have the courage to kick him out either.

So now the bathtub was crowded and slightly overflowing with water whenever either one of us made a slight movement.

But aside from the crampedness, that wasn't at all near the crux of what was causing my discomfort.

I frowned, slightly scowling as I turned my head over my shoulder to look up at Sasuke's almost-expressionless, but still-very-cocky face.

He elegantly made a gesture of tilting his head with a visible smirk, showing that he was enjoying this-_clearly. _

"Problem?"

I silently fumed, snapping my gaze back at away from Sasuke once more as I hugged my knees together and schooched forward in the tub and further from him. (and his raging hard-on more importantly).

* * *

As unbelievable as it may sound now, I had initially planned on having a pure relationship with Sasuke as that of brother and sister.

Or at least an 'older mentor'/ 'maternal mother teresa'.

So why did it devolve into being more of a 'fuck buddies' type of thing?

Well...I don't know. But what I do know was that I sure as hell didn't sign up for this shit.

Sasuke may be physically attractive enough but I met him when he was _fourteen. _For the me then, it would be the equivalent of asking a senior to date a freshman.

I just wanted to be his shoulder to rest on. And maybe build some positive feelings between us so that if push came to shove he wouldn't throw me away.

I was just trying to do what I thought I needed to do in order to survive.

But even so, it's not like it makes me happy that I'm sleeping with him. And it wasn't just because of the _wrongness _I felt, having adhered and conformed to the standards of _my _world.

I just thought-it's just that-

I'd never had a boyfriend in my life before this. Never been in a relationship, never been in a romantic type of love.

But I knew what familial love was like. I had some-although not all that great-experience in being an older sibling so I trusted in _those _instincts to guide me on how to act, how to behave.

I just didn't expect Sasuke to take it in a way that was so far out from what my original intentions were.

It makes me sad when I think about it. For whatever reason.

But at the same time when it came down to what me and Sasuke had together, I dared not probe too deep into it.

So I didn't think more on _why _I was sad or _why _I was tired till what felt to be the core of my very soul.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: no reason.

When he went to pick up Karin and she proceeded to throw herself at him, he was disappointed-but quite unsurprised.

He only has his lineage to blame for his struggles but when one ends up dealing with the same issue for an entire lifetime, you learn to get accustomed to it.

The thing is-they're always so _impressed. _

Without knowing how tragic it really is to lose _everyone, _how scary and impossible it feels to try and let anyone else in after that. How he trains and trains and _trains _just to ensure nothing like it can ever happen again...how pathetic he really is, compared to Naruto.

In the end, Sakura got it wrong.

He was _nothing _in the face of Naruto and his overwhelming determination. Or that confidence of his to come out victorious every time.

More than his strength, _that _was what really scared him at that time back then.

Could he ever hope to attain true power if he remained to be so unsure-?

_Nevermind. _He shook his head to clear his thoughts once more.

"-Sasuke kun~"

It's them again. Those lustful eyes from women, following him everywhere-from childhood to now. What they're still so attracted to, he doesn't understand.

But then, flashes of long ebony hair matching his own flashes into his mind and...maybe he gets it. Just a little bit.

But either way, what those eyes were saying was clear as day: I want you, I want to make you mine.

He smirked.

Well, too bad.

* * *

Karin's antagonism of her is pretty blatant from the get-go when they start moving on the roads again.

She probably notices but doesn't put up her guard because of it.

After-all, her paranoia towards men versus women were as different to night and day, despite the fact that it was another woman who prostituted her out in the first place.

His lips thinned and his hands curled into a tight fist unknowingly when he thinks about what kinds of things she must've been subjected to before meeting him.

How many years? One? Two? Since how long? How many more of those utterly worthless trash dared touch-

But it was fine. For now. His title of an avenger wasn't just for show and all the others that he didn't manage to catch...he'll pay them all back in due time.

What she'd suffered through, he'll return a thousand fold and-

With no more demons haunting their living world, they'll lead a happy life. Together.

_How impossible it all sounds. _

* * *

One day, he'll be asked about Sakura and his response will be; '_well, I have no reason to love or be loved by her.' _

But then years down the line, he'll stand in front of an empty grave and come to an understanding: if even after so long and you can't seem to find a logical reason as to why you love her-but remain unable to let go,

Then it could only be love.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: incompatible

I was still being carried bridal style by Sasuke when we needed to travel at a faster pace and me, being oh-so-_civilian _couldn't keep up. I get it, how much of a real burden I am but-

...but it was embarrassing nonetheless.

Even if everyone knows of my and Sasuke's relationship by now this was still too much. Too over the top and in-your-face for both our styles.

So I needed to find a solution. And fast.

I tugged on Sasuke's shirt to let him know of my discomfort.

He looked down at me for a moment before fixing his eyes straight ahead once more.

"If you want something, use your words."

_Ugh. I know that-but how long does he think it's been since I actually __**talked? **__Impossible. Totally impossible for me. _

But...well, if there's anything I've learned about Sasuke from being with him so long is that he was a person that responded to soft tactics better than hard ones.

So I negotiate.

Making sure that the others were a little further distance from us and not likely to see anything…

I tighten my hold around Sasuke's neck and propel myself closer, landing a feather-light peck on his cheek.

His movements fall to a stuttering halt and we're standing in a small crater on the ground but what catches my eye is just how stunned he looks.

For once, he looks his age, without that constant serious expression on his face.

I couldn't help it, I start into a fit of giggles that morph into full blown laughter.

The other members of Hebi, probably noticing our flashy actions have stopped and come down to see what's going on.

I don't end up getting to have my laugh for much long since Sasuke immediately tosses me in the air for Jugo to catch.

With his head hanging and his bangs covering most of his face, he ends up disappearing to the vision of my naked eye.

Suigetsu follows with a shrug and Karen looks at me smugly, seeing the whole interaction where I quite literally get 'thrown away'.

Jugo is the only one who peers down at the me resting in his arms with a confused, tit of his head-as if he doesn't quite understand why I belong here.

And honestly? Yeah, me neither.

* * *

"-So like, _why _don't you talk though?" Suigetsu begins immediately interrogating me without warning after all of us finish dinner together.

By the way, he's shoved a blank sketchbook for me to give my written responses as well. It was...surprisingly meticulous. For him.

I had to doubt whether or not Sasuke set him up so.

But this question I didn't really need the sketchbook for. I just shrug, which is the equivalent to 'dunno'.

...In the background I thought I heard Sasuke clicking his tongue.

"And also, Karin's been yapping for a while now how there's no chakra within you...so are you actually a zombie or something? His-" he jabs toward Sasuke's direction

"-zombie girlfriend?"

I shook my head and picked up the sketchbook, writing slow and intermittently. It's been a while since I'd had to put into practice the written form of Japanese. It took me a while to try and sound out the spelling of some vocabularies.

'_I'm his alien girlfriend.' _ I write, smiling to myself at the small inside joke.

Suigetsu and the other of course, didn't get it-and then the whole Q&A session was shut down by a silently seething Sasuke from what I could tell from the minute changes of his face.

He was-

Kinda annoyed it seemed.

* * *

"_Your. name._" he didn't ask, but full blown _demanded _when we got back to our shared room and the door was shut.

I tried to push past him in good humour seeing as how I was in an ecstatic mood but he wouldnèt budge.

I was only slightly annoyed and even that was shadowed by my desire to tease.

I donèt know what was going on with me today. I might be possessed but-

For some reason he was-

Or rather I was-

"_In the mood to love you." _

And then right before his eyes, I shrug off the clothes on my body.

He watched, Sharingan _blazed _and sporting a dropped jaw for the second time today.

...it was a tad embarrassing after having gone and done everything-

But no chance of backing out now right?

So what had the Madame said again when she was 'training'? Strut towards your target with your hips swinging side to side?

But still, Sasuke seemed a bit frozen, making me more and more nervous as the time passed by.

It-it wasn't the reaction I was going for necessarily.

So I decided to take even further initiative to grab his hands and place his palms around one of my breasts.

Turned out that was the magic trick since the next thing I knew, the back of my head hit against the bed-frame causing me to become dizzy-

...but, well, let's just say that wasn't the only thing causing me to become dizzy though.

The sex we had that night was rough and almost..._punishing. _The next morning after I'd passed out in the middle of it, I got to realize why.

* * *

The sun was nearly setting when I got to wake up alerting me of just how long I'd been out for.

Sasuke, expectedly, wasn't lying in bed with me but rather sitting in a chair facing me.

Unlike all the previous times, I felt unprecedentedly awkward and wondered if I should do a little greeting wave.

But before I could decide, he opens his mouth to ask-

"How many men have you done..._that _towards?" his voice hit a low, ominous tone. I shiver and try to rack my just-woken-up brain to try and understand what he was talking about.

Sex? No way, he should know what I was before-

Wait. he means...the seduction?

And once more, my face lights up in shame upon remembrance of how I'd behaved last night. It was all his fault for-for being so unexpectedly charming. And cute. And sexy goddammit-

I attempt to bury my face into my hands but is stopped by Sasuke grabbing hold of my chin and lifting it upwards to face him and his red eyes.

"So? _How. many. men._"

...God, he was really really pretty wasn't he? Especially against the backdrop of the glowing sunset. It made him look ethereal. But maybe he'd always been so, if we're talking about _who he is. _

But I can't love you. I'm not-I'm not _allowed. _You could never be mine.

"_Nobody else._" I profess, genuinely, passionately.

"It's only you." It's always been you.

I can't have you because of a million and one reasons. But it doesn't mean I don't want you. It doesn't mean my heart isn't moved every time you treat me with so much kindness. For you anyways.

But nothing will change the fact that you're not a good man and I'm not a good woman myself. And because two wrongs don't make a right-

Let this be the closest thing to a love confession from me...to you.


End file.
